Avoiding Cupid’s Arrow: A Nonexistent Love Story

“Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.” – Charlie Brown

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In the wake of the newest hot topic buzzing its way across social media (catcalling and the idea that it is not, in fact, a welcomed pleasantry), I want to tell you a story. This is the story of a girl who cried a river and drowned the whole world…sorry; I couldn’t resist. Actually, this is the story of a girl who decided that she was tired of being single; and seeing as she was quickly approaching the end of her academic career, it might be time for her to consider what the world of dating might be like. With that notion she opted to take the plunge into the deep-sea of hormones and set up an account on OkCupid which might, in hindsight, have been the dumbest thing she’d ever done. But now she has stories to tell. If you haven’t guessed, that girl is me and this is my story:

The Cupid Experiment

I know I’ve been talking about love and relationships a lot lately. At first I didn’t know why because it’s not like I haven’t spent the past 22 years of my life as an eligible bachelorette on the market, and I doubt much will change now that year 23 has graced me with its presence. But then I realized how I totally missed the boat when it came to hormones that most girls had raging within them at age 16 because I was too busy with school to really even truly think about the opposite sex. What I’m realizing is that those hormones are starting to catch up to me, 7 years too late, and it’s like I’m being hit with this wave of, “Ok, Rhonda. Let’s start hunting for that person you can procreate with or else you’ll die out.” What’s strange is that I’m going to die eventually anyway and procreating won’t change that. But keeping my family going is the main goal, and for some reason, I am experiencing a rush of feelings and such about “finding the one” that I’ve never felt before. It is a feeling I have not discussed with anyone because what do I say? “Hey! I’m 23 and it might be time for the sex talk!” or “Yeah, I just need someone to cuddle with; how do I make that happen?” It’s not that simple; it’s awkward, especially when you’re 23 and you’re the only one in your group of friends who has no clue what to do in situations involving, well, other human beings. So this is what happened: