The Cupid Experiment

I know I’ve been talking about love and relationships a lot lately. At first I didn’t know why because it’s not like I haven’t spent the past 22 years of my life as an eligible bachelorette on the market, and I doubt much will change now that year 23 has graced me with its presence. But then I realized how I totally missed the boat when it came to hormones that most girls had raging within them at age 16 because I was too busy with school to really even truly think about the opposite sex. What I’m realizing is that those hormones are starting to catch up to me, 7 years too late, and it’s like I’m being hit with this wave of, “Ok, Rhonda. Let’s start hunting for that person you can procreate with or else you’ll die out.” What’s strange is that I’m going to die eventually anyway and procreating won’t change that. But keeping my family going is the main goal, and for some reason, I am experiencing a rush of feelings and such about “finding the one” that I’ve never felt before. It is a feeling I have not discussed with anyone because what do I say? “Hey! I’m 23 and it might be time for the sex talk!” or “Yeah, I just need someone to cuddle with; how do I make that happen?” It’s not that simple; it’s awkward, especially when you’re 23 and you’re the only one in your group of friends who has no clue what to do in situations involving, well, other human beings. So this is what happened:

I created an Okcupid profile.

I already regret it.

The butterflies are churning in my stomach in a way that makes me want to vomit. The nervousness I feel for putting myself out there to be judged by others, especially by men my age (and maybe even by creeps who are older), is tantalizing. I am filled with an anxiety that I never believed I could be filled with. But it was on my list of things to do this year and I’ll never know if I don’t try, right?

So I figured I would help ease my nerves by documenting the experience on the blog. I don’t know how, exactly, that will look, but I’m sure I will have some stories to tell at some point about that one guy who sent me that one message at 4 am about wanting to hook up (in fact, in just 30 minutes of creating and editing my profile, I was told I was cute). And what do I really have to lose (save for maybe my virginity or my life – neither of which I want to lose, mind you)? I don’t know what I’m doing, which might actually make this even more worthwhile. I’m practicing safety and all. No exchanging of addresses or handing out my number or disclosing every shred (or any shred) of personal info about me. I’m not stupid. But something might very well come of this…thing I’m throwing myself into.

Something like entertainment at the expense of my sanity.

So here’s to the Cupid Experiment. Let the “love” begin.

Now if you don’t mind, the anxiety is getting to me. I think I’m going to be sick.